This, I Find In You
by Writer-Monkey-Esq
Summary: A tale of the things that Regina finds (and falls for) in Emma - because there's more beneath the red leather than meets the eye. It's a little twist on events from The Cricket Game forwards... It's a little SQ to begin with, but I have a crescendo building. Rating has been bumped up. "Miller's Daughter"-chapter now up.
1. A Kindred Spirit

**A/N: ****A******** little tale about the things that Regina finds in Emma. Because there's more beneath the leather than meets the eye.**

**********T**his is just a little idea that I had when I was dialogue-ing with myself in the shower - a little more conversation here, a little shift in the sequence of events there, a little (a lot?) less damage to my ship... Starting with the beginning of The Cricket Game and moving forward a bit from there. **It's a little Swan Queen, simply because I can't help myself, though I'm not sure to what degree just yet.**

**...I don't own nothing. I think that's _fairly_ obvious. So, without further ado: **

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 1: A Kindred Spirit**

* * *

"…_I'm not sure that's best."_

If she'd been a wolf, like that Lucas-girl, her hackles would have been standing on end.

"Oh, so _now_ you think you know what's _best?_ In all your five minutes o-"

The blonde crinkled her nose and took a step closer, waving a hand as though to banish a sudden stink.

"Regina, I… I didn't _mean_ it like that."

She crossed her arms, shields up – not even trying to keep the bite out of her voice.

"So how _exactly_ did you mean it?"

Emma recognised resistance when she saw it and slumped slightly, green eyes disappearing momentarily beneath the hand that rubbed nervously at her forehead.

"I meant… let's take things _steady_, okay?" – she straightened up, locking green eyes with brown – "I don't know if I'm sure of _anything_ right now, least of all what's 'best'. I've only been back here for _what? Six hours?_ I…" – her posture softened – "I need a little _time._ I need time to _adjust_ – to him, to you, to…" – she gestured broadly and shrugged – "…_everything_. I'm _not_ saying that you won't see him more – you _will_. I _promise_ you that. He's as…" – Emma took a deep breath – "He's as much yours as he is anyone else's." – Regina's arms lowered to her side at this concession, but only barely concealed her surprise at the words that followed next – "…I'm not going to let _anyone_ take that away from you. I _want_ this to work, but I don't want to get anyone's hopes up unfairly… not mine, not yours, not Henry's." – her smile was gentle, rueful – "I'm not about to traipse about, doing things that can't be undone unless I'm _sure_ that they're the right things to do… the _best_ things." – She fixed Regina with a pointed look – "For _everyone_."

Plump lips pursed.

"Miss Swan-"

"-Emma."

The correction was gentle, but a correction nonetheless. The brunette sighed.

_Fine._

"Emma." – Her voice lowered, and she took another steeling breath – "…Why are you doing this?"

The blonde planted both hands in her pockets, and rocked slightly on her heels, chin up, green eyes cool and serious.

"You're not the only one with something to prove to the kid."

An eyebrow arched in question.

"I somehow _doubt_ that." - _H__e worships the ground you walk on. Just like the rest of this godforsaken town - _"You _are_ the Saviour, _aren't_ you?"

The rocking stopped and the green eyes softened with something akin to sympathy.

"Hey, listen – just because Henry doesn't know how big of a screw-up I've been, doesn't make me any less of a screw-up. Henry's the _only_ thing I've ever done right."

_What __**you've**__ done!?_

A muscle in the brunette's jaw flexed with ire.

"You didn't _do_-"

Emma's eyes widened in surprise at the other woman's change of speed. She resisted the urge to curse under her breath, and held up her hands defensively – whiplash, she didn't need.

"_Geez_, _Regina_… Hold on a second – I was talking about when I gave him up. I mean, it probably makes me sound like a terrible person to say it, but in _all_ my life – out of _everything_ I've ever done? Giving him up? ...Giving him to _you_? …That's the _one thing I did right_. Everything else?" – she shrugged – "Just sort of… _happened_."

The blonde squirmed uncomfortably and Regina tried to ignore the warmth in her chest, the sudden moisture in her eyes, the softness of her gaze belying the edge in her voice.

"Very touching," – and it was – "but not _quite_ what I meant. Why do you _care_?"

…_about me? What I think? What I hope?_

"Because my whole life, I _never_ wanted to be a hero – _certainly_ never wanted to be a... '_Saviour'_. All I _ever_ wanted was a _family,_ to be loved…"

"-And?"

…_and I took that from her._

Emma stepped towards her, and for one awful moment Regina thought she was going to reach out and touch her. She swallowed hard, wrapping her arms around herself, not liking one bit the compassion she saw in those green eyes, waiting nervously for the blonde to finish her sentence.

"_And…_" – she began carefully, slowly – "in that respect, I think we are a lot alike. You want a _family,_ you want to be _loved…_ and if you find that with Henry? I don't want to be the one that screws that up for you. You've lost enough already."

Silence falls between them, and Regina closes her eyes, Emma's words still echoing in her ears. In that moment the blonde does take one more step – does reach out and touch her. She places a hand on her arm, and squeezes gently. It rests in the same place that it did all those weeks ago, in the town hall.

And if you asked her later, Regina would tell you that it was just her imagination.

…But in that moment she could have sworn she felt a spark.

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**A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :D Please review! There should be more before too long...**


	2. An Escape

**A/N: So here's the next installment :D Thank you so much for all of the follows/favourites! It's always so appreciated.  
I still don't own anything, despite all of my wishes to the contrary... *sigh* That's why this chapter. Because these two.**

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**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 2: An Escape**

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"_And what do you want for this… 'peace offering'?"_

"_I want my daughter. And I want you to keep the Saviour out of my way."_

* * *

Emma had returned from Manhattan to a town in chaos. Gold's Rolls Royce crawled down Main Street and she gawked at the devastation – power poles were down, windows were boarded up and there was a still smouldering wreck in front of the diner.

A small voice piped up from behind her.

"…Is that my mom's ca-"

_It was._

The blonde swallowed hard against the lump in her throat.

"I don't know, Henry." – she glared across at the driver, her voice a low growl – "We were only gone a week. _What the hell happened here?_"

Gold's only response was an enigmatic smirk as he pulled up out the front of Mary Mar- _Snow's_ apartment.

"I have no idea."

Of course he did.

_The bastard._

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Emma _'excused'_ herself from the warmth of the tiny apartment. She patrolled the streets by foot – apparently Regina's Benz wasn't the only burnt-out wreck in town. She cursed against the cold, and pulled the zipper on her jacket a little higher – the hurried conversation she'd shared with Snow replaying in her mind.

_Archie's death. The mob. The mansion. The trial by fire._

She shuddered, though that had less to do with the cold and more to do with the fact that the citizens of this sleepy little town had tried to lynch the Evil Queen.

_Not the Evil Queen. – _She corrected herself – …_Just Regina._

She'd uttered a word of thanks to Whoever was listening when her mother had revealed to her that the maddening woman was still alive. Wherever she was. Snow had tried to call her back as she'd pushed her way out the door. Emma scoffed – it wasn't '_safe'_?

_No shit._

There had been no witty retort forthcoming. Just the urgent drive to find her son's other mother …hence her presence on the wild streets tonight – gun at her hip, flashlight in hand.

_Goddammit, Regina - where the hell are you?_

* * *

Emma rounded the corner, taking the alley by the diner. She was vaguely aware of a swirl of purple smoke behind her, but before she could think a vice-like hand was wrapped around her neck, pressing her against the wall. She blinked – once, twice – taking in the woman standing before her… the mayoral façade twisted by rage, the eyes…

_God, those eyes…_

"R'gina."

The brunette pulled her hand away and stepped in close, snarling in her face.

"_You_… You said you wouldn't take him away from me. You _promised_ me. _You_. _Lied_." – _You left me here alone. After all the things that you said_ – "…I should kill you where you stand."

"_God_, Regina – just let me _explain_. _Please_."

Emma's 'please' wasn't magical, not by any means, but it still managed to stop Regina in her tracks.

_Saviours don't explain themselves to Evil Queens._

"…I owed Gold a favour, and he called it in. I had _no choice_ in the matter, and I can _hardly_ be blamed for the fact that Henry thought it'd be a great idea to stow himself away under the back seat. It seems that… _'Persons Unknown'_ had been planting ideas in his head about a grand quest. We were _hours_ out of town before I _even knew he was there_, and Gold was _not_ about to turn the car around. I _should've_ called you, and… and I _didn't_ and… and I am _sorry_. _Really. Truly. Deeply. Sorry_."

The other woman took a half-step back, searching the green eyes for the slightest hint of guile, the façade cracking at the realisation that there was none to be found. She cleared her throat, apparently flailing to regain her composure – determined not to give in so easily to the blonde menace.

"…And I suppose the fact that you _disappear_ with my son one day, and I'm being _accused_ of murder, _torn out of my house_ by a raging mob the next… is just _one big coincidence_?"

Emma tilted her chin up, cognizance settling in her gaze.

"You tell me."

Regina swallowed hard, lowering her eyes – not liking one bit the thought that had occurred to the blonde, not liking one bit that it was entirely correct.

"In your _absence…_ my mother came to my rescue. She said she can help me get Henry back."

Emma's blood ran cold.

"_Take_ Henry back? Or _win_ Henry back? Believe me – there's a _big_ difference." – she locked eyes with Regina and stepped back into her personal space – "Do you _really_ think that you can just unleash your mother on Storybrooke, and he'll come out unscathed? It's _your_ plan, but I don't even think _you_ believe it could ever work. Look…" – her voice lowered, softened and the brunette squirmed at the sympathetic tone – "I don't know all the things that your mom did to you. But I'm going to take a _wild_ guess and say that they were things that _no one_ should ever do to a child. _Ever_. And I'll be damned if I let Henry anywhere _near_ that. I'm not worried about you." – Regina's eyes widened in shock, but Emma smiled and placed a reassuring hand at her elbow – "…_For_ you? Yes. _About_ you? No. I _know_ you wouldn't let Henry get hurt, not like she hurt you. But" – now the green eyes cooled with resolve – "forgive me if I'm _not exactly trusting_ of the woman who tried to rip my heart out."

The brunette gasped.

"She… _what_?"

"…Tried. To. Rip. My. Heart. Out." – Emma waved the detail aside – "…But that's beside the point right now. I know I can't force your hand, but I _am_ asking you to choose. _Choose_ _Henry_. Cora's not good for you, and he _knows_ that. He's worried sick about you… He wants you to come home."

Regina steeled herself. It was impossible. It was too good to be true.

"I _am_ home."

Green eyes narrowed – the blonde was by no means convinced.

"_Bullshit_. I know as well as you do that _home_ is where _Henry_ is."

"But my mother-"

Her mother was waiting for her. Her mother was expecting the blonde's head on a platter. Her mother would mete out punishment for her failure. Her mo-

"…To _hell_ with you mother! _Listen_ to me. I've had foster parents that were _one_ spell book shy of passing for your mother's evil twin. I was able to protect the other kids from them _– I'll be able to protect you from her_. All you need to do is _let_ _me_. Come home." – _To us – _"…To Henry."

_Henry._

Her greatest weakness.

The last remnants of façade crumbled and fell away, and she allowed the hope that swelled in her chest to rise, flooding her features.

"…_so you'll let me see him?_"

The question was a choked whisper, barely audible, but Emma heard it. She grinned in relief, the tension in her chest dissipating.

"Oh, I'll do _so_ much more than just that."

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**A/N: So, what did you think? Let me know in the reviews! Love to you all!**


	3. A Protector

**A/N: Next chapter! I'd like to give a 'thank you' to all you folk following along, and gently remind y'all that I'd love to hear your feedback :)  
Anywho... I still own exactly nothing, and I'm coming to accept that that's the way it's likely to stay. Hope you enjoy...**

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 3: A Protector**

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Regina trailed behind Emma through the doors of the apartment. The chatter stilled instantaneously and she lowered her head, trying to ignore the three sets of eyes staring at her – two in disbelief, one in… well, she wasn't quite sure yet. The brunette raised a hand to tidy herself. She knew she was looking somewhat dishevelled.

'_Dishevelled'? Try 'an outright mess.'_

She hated being the centre of attention, but even more, she hated Henry seeing her like this. She supposed no mother enjoyed having their children see them in such a state of… _brokenness_. It made her cringe.

Snow was the first one to break the silence.

"Henry, go get ready for bed." – She fixed her daughter with a 'look'_ – _"Emma. A _word_? _Please?_"

They stepped away to the side, and Regina busied herself with the trinkets on the bookshelf trying to disregard the fact that they were talking about her like she wasn't even there... as though she couldn't hear every single word they whispered.

"…Emma, what were you thinking? Using _Henry_ as part of your ploy? That is _exactly_ the kind of thing that Cora would do – _baiting_ someone's affections like tha-"

The brunette found herself nodding along with Snow's words, despite herself. It was true. It _was_ something that her mother would've done – that her mother _did_ do – using her biggest weakness to ensure her compliance. She began to shrink within herself. She should've known better. She shou-

"It's _not_ a ploy."

The blonde's low growl shook her from her downward spiral. She chanced a look towards the two other women. Snow was wearing her patented, steely-eyed, tough-as-nails, 'not-going-to-back-down-on-this' look. She knew _that_ look all too well.

"_Emma_…"

And the other woman mirrored the same look right back at her.

"It's _not_ a _ploy_. It's the _right thing to do_." – The brunette stilled her fidgeting, listening closely – "Henry _needs_ to be with his mother, and Regina needs to stay the _hell_ away from hers. I am willing to _say_ anything, _do_ anything to make that happen." – Well, that was new – "…I don't _care_ what it takes – I would grovel on my _hands_ and _knees_ before whatever powers that be if it _meant that they're safe_."

Snow's voice lowered, in an attempt to deal gently with her daughter.

"She's _not_ your responsibility."

It was true, but Emma wasn't having any of it. Regina could feel, as well as see the change that came over the blonde – feet were planted wide, shoulders back and down, arms akimbo. A clear, defensive stance. It would seem that she was done with whispering.

"_None_ of you were my responsibility, and yet… here we are! As far as _Henry's_ concerned? I am responsible for _everyone's_ happy endings. Emphasis on the 'everyone'. Now if you'll _excuse_ me, I'm going to my room. …Regina?" – the brunette whirled around to face her, eyes wide – "You coming?"

* * *

She stood in the corner, trying not to shuffle from foot to foot, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Emma. The blonde stood on the other side of the bed, briskly turning down the bed.

"You'll be sleeping here tonight."

"…and where will you be sleeping?"

She flashed Regina a quick smile of reassurance.

"…I'll figure something out. Here," – she tossed the brunette a parcel of clothing – "Get comfortable. I'll be back in a minute."

The door clicked shut behind her. Regina slipped out of her clothing, letting her pants and shirt fall to the floor, not bothering to bend down and pick them up. She shivered, despite the warmth of the loft – she'd never felt quite so… _naked_ before. She hated the sense of vulnerability that swept over her. The brunette could hear the muted voices that carried up the hallway – she knew that they were talking about her, but could only wonder what it was that they were saying. She supposed that Snow and her insufferable husband were trying to convince Emma to decide her fate.

…the last time she'd been at the mercy of another was when she was a child.

She'd never wanted to find herself in that position again – the brunette supposed she should be grateful that Emma seemed to be the merciful type, at least when it came to Evil Queens.

Regina brushed aside the thought, with the memories that accompanied it and began to clothe herself slowly. The old tee and pyjama pants smelled like the blonde and she ignored the sense off reassurance that accompanied the scent of coffee, mint and musk.

…_At least they don't smell like smoke._

She slipped in between the sheets – crisp, freshly washed – and pulled both blanket and knees up to her chin. Lights were out, and exhaustion overtook her, sleep following shortly after.

* * *

Regina felt it more than she heard it. The door snicked open and shut. Footsteps sounded on the floorboards. A bolt of adrenaline shot through her and she took a moment to reorient herself. She'd always been a light sleeper, and the paranoia she'd acquired in the last week didn't help at all.

Taking a calming breath, she reminded herself that she was in Emma's room. _In Emma's bed._

The mattress dipped behind her and she froze – she didn't think she could handle sharing the bed with the blonde.

_Not tonight. _

…But the body that had settled next to hers was too light to be Emma's.

She waited a moment, until their breathing had evened out, before she slowly rolled over. Her breath caught in her throat, and her lower lip was caught between white teeth. It wasn't a mess of golden curls that awaited her; instead, it was a very familiar brown mop that rested on the other pillow.

_Henry?_

He stirred slightly, his voice low and raspy with sleep.

"_Mom_?"

Regina's heart tightened in her chest. She didn't dare breathe, didn't dare move.

"…Yes, Henry?"

The boy shuffled backwards on the mattress, pressing his back against her front. He reached for her hand and pulled her arm over him like another blanket.

"_I'm really glad you're here_."

Her eyes filled with tears and she pulled him closer, tucking him into her, enjoying his warmth – basking in his affection.

"…I'm really glad too."

His breathing slowed, and slumber reclaimed him. Slowly, reverently, she brought a hand to his forehead and lowered a kiss into his hair, taking a moment to inhale his scent. It wasn't quite the same as she had remembered, but then… it seemed like so long since he'd allowed her to be quite this close.

There was a twist of regret, as she recalled the times that he'd tried to crawl into bed with her when he was very small. When he'd had a nightmare, when there was a thunder storm. She'd always returned him to his own bed and held his hand till he'd fallen asleep again.

But she'd never allowed him this.

The brunette didn't bother to hold back her tears now, and they dripped across her face down into the pillow. A single sob wracked her body, and she tucked her son's head in under her chin.

She looked across the room, and caught sight on the blonde. She was sitting in the sofa in the corner, one leg pulled, her chin resting on her knee and the other sprawled out over the arm of the chair. She didn't look to be getting any sleep tonight – not the way she was grasping her father's blade and eyeing the entrances of the room.

She was the very image of an angelic sentinel.

Fierce.

Beautiful.

Her face set, as though carved in marble.

And Regina found she didn't mind one bit. She'd always assumed she'd resent Emma's intrusion in a moment like this, between her and her son. But this was… _different_.

She wasn't there to _supervise_ this moment. She was there to _protect_ it.

The blonde glanced over to the bed, and brown eye locked with green and the brunette was surprised to find that hers was not the only face wet with tears. She smiled up at her – it would seem – _former_ nemesis, trying to express a whole world of gratitude in two simple words.

"_Thank you."_

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**A/N: Thanks for reading :D Don't forget - reviews are love! Drop me a line, tell me what you thought...**


	4. A Great Love

**A/N: Hi guys - sorry this chapter took so long... It was a little troublesome to write - it started as a flash-back but then when I started writing it seemed to flesh itself out into a chapter of its own. **

**I really hope it works for you, and that I haven't edited it to death. All my stuff is un-beta'd, sooo... *shrugs* I hope it's okay.**

**So without further ado, I present:**

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 4: A Great Love**

* * *

As the evening began to set in, Regina had perched herself on a stool in the kitchen and quietly watched the Charmings & Co. prepare to go out on patrol, as they usually did at night. But as she surveyed the scene, she frowned.

…_Something was off._

Usually they patrolled the streets at night in twos, taking turns – Snow and Red one night, Emma and David another, then Snow and Charming, and Emma and Red.

But tonight was no ordinary patrol, was it?

Snow was seated on the couch, stringing her bow and stocking her quiver. Charming had his sword at his hip, and looked as though he needed a little help with his breastplate, while Red's cloak was no-where in sight.

Emma looked up at her from where she was readying her borrowed cross-bow, her already-cleaned rifle slung over her shoulder. She caught her eye, heard her silent interrogation. Setting the rifle down against the dining table, she stepped towards Regina, who quickly averted her eyes.

"It's okay – I know you know something's up."

Her voice was lowered to near-whisper, and Regina matched her in volume.

"…Four did seem _slightly_ extravagant for a routine patrol."

The corners of Emma's mouth twitched into a smile, there only a moment, and gone before it could reach her eyes. The sadness that lingered there was puzzling.

But what was even more puzzling was the way the Emma gently took hold of both her hands, and way that she pulled her aside, and the way she shot a look at Snow, and the way that Snow ushered Charming and Red towards the foyer, and the way that Emma locked eyes with her, and the way she was speaking so slowly to her, like as to a child, and the way Emma _still_ wasn't letting go of her hands.

She cocked her head.

…_Puzzling indeed._

"As soon as the sun sets, we are going to go out there and we are going after your mother."

_Oh._ _Well, that explained the mass of weaponry on the kitchen table._

She smirked slightly, covering for the sudden pang of sadness – but Emma wasn't done.

"…by the way things are shaping up, it doesn't seem like _anyone_ is looking to take prisoners tonight."

Emma steadily searched Regina's eyes for confirmation that she understood that she may well be an orphan come morning. She nodded slowly – touched, though not a little bewildered by this conversation starter. Of course she had not expected that they would suffer her mother to live, not after everything she'd done, but she hadn't expected Emma to be quite so… _apologetic_ about it.

She hadn't expected Emma to comprehend the thing that she herself could barely understand – that, despite everything, Cora was _still_ her mother and that she, in some deep and instinctual way, _still_ loved her. She _certainly_ hadn't expected that Emma wouldn't think less of her for it.

Despite herself, a small smile softened her face – _Emma_ _understood_, and it was more than she could've asked for.

The blonde took a deep breath and returned her smile in kind before continuing – her voice at steady as before, but her tone more serious.

"…And _tonight_? You will be staying _here_. You're going to lock _all_ of the doors and windows, and you're _not_ to set foot outside the apartment."

Regina's smile vanished, softness replaced by indignation.

…_Who was she to say what she could and could not do!?_

"I _beg_ your pa-"

Emma gave her hands a gentle tug, giving her a look that brooked no argument.

"-it's _not_ because I don't trust you in the field." She paused, gathering her words, "…I love Henry and, Evil Queen or not, there is _no one_ I trust to protect him more than you. I _know_ you love him, and I know that – _no matter what else happens_ – I can _depend_ on that tonight."

"…What do you mean?"

"-_If I don't come back_… I want you to take Henry." She paused, letting her words sink in, "…And _then_ I want you two to go _as far away as you possibly can_. To whichever world you please. And whatever you do, do _not_ come back." There was another, longer pause – not borne of design, but of embarrassingly raw emotion. "…Because if I fall, I want to fall knowing that Henry will be safe …I want to know that _you_ will be safe."

Regina was _not_ a hugger. Not by a _long_ shot. But in that moment, she found herself resisting the bizarre impulse to fling her arms around the other woman and never let go. Her fingers tightened around Emma's hand, and Emma squeezed back. She tried to ignore the tenderness in those green eyes, but when the other came up to brush her face in a soft caress, she found herself leaning into the touch.

…But those were _not_ goose bumps spreading down her arms.

And those were _definitely_ not tears burning behind her eyes.

No.

Definitely not.

She found herself trying on a smirk, trying to lighten the sudden weight in her chest.

"And… _how_ do you know that I won't just take Henry anyway?"

"…_I don't." _

And suddenly Regina understood, and she was rendered speechless.

As far as Emma was concerned, this was goodbye.

Whether she lived or died, she expected to see neither Regina nor Henry ever again.

…But yet here she stood, one hand clutching her own, the other hand caressing her cheek, _telling her that it was okay._

So stunned by this revelation was she, that when Emma drew her into an embrace she did not think to resist. The fingers that had brushed her face moved to weave themselves into her hair, and pressed her head against the other woman's chest.

Emma breathed in deeply, inhaling her scent, trying to memorise the moment – the way she felt under her hands, the way she felt in her arms. Regina was fairly sure that there was zero chance that Emma was inhaling apples and lavender and Chanel No. 5, and suddenly the shower she'd had that morning seemed a distant memory. She felt bare, utterly vulnerable. Having her so close, filling all of her senses – there were no more walls to hide behind. She couldn't very well hide behind the predatory sexuality of the Evil Queen, nor could she hide behind Mayoral aloofness.

…_Certainly not at this range._

But the embrace did not seem to be abating; in fact it seemed to be moving in the opposite direction.

She felt Emma's arms tighten around her. Felt her breath catch in her throat. Felt the single shudder of emotion in her chest.

…and then, beyond the fact the Emma wanted to remember her at all, the realisation that Emma wanted to remember her like this brought a sudden flush of warmth to a corner of her soul she'd long thought dead.

Emma wanted to remember – not a Queen, and not a Mayor – but rather the woman she'd found underneath it all.

She wanted to remember Regina.

…Just Regina.

And between the steady heart beating beneath her ear, and the strong arms that held her, she felt a peace seep into her bones. A peace she'd not felt since… well, not since a life-time ago.

She imagined that this was what home felt like.

_Safe_.

The moisture welling in her eyes safely hidden from view, she reached up and, grasping a handful of red leather, pulled Emma closer, returning the embrace – burrowing further into her new found shelter, not eager for this moment to end. Not eager at all.

Emma shifted slightly, her whisper warm and husky in Regina's ear.

"_You stay safe, okay?"_

Regina swallowed hard and nodded softly, not trusting her own voice.

…_You too, Swan._

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**A/N: So, how'd I do? I need feed-back on my SQ-dynamics...**


	5. The Missing Piece

**A/N: Hi All - I was feeling rather inspired today, so I figured I'd better not delay... I think this chapter's bumped the rating up somewhat. It's a little intense, and a little graphic [SO BE WARNED - there WILL be blood], but I hope it's not too much.**

**Korderoo: 'Fraid it's not going to be quite that simple. Sorry. **

**zerodarkwolf: 'Twill be no mere scratch, M'lud. I hope you like, regardless.**

**Guest: I love You, whoever You are. Okay? I'm so glad you're enjoying my Emma. But dealing with Cora ain't exactly a walk in the park...**

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 5: The Missing Piece**

* * *

Regina sat on the lounge chair with her book, the television playing quietly in the living room. She'd put on some cartoons for Henry, and he'd sat himself at her feet, leaning back against her knees. Her book had been sitting un-read in her lap for quite some time – she didn't want anything to distract her from a moment like this. Since she'd been living in Snow's apartment with the rest of the Charmings, he'd always made a point of being close to her whenever he could, making a point of seeking out her touch. She didn't know who it was more of a comfort to – Henry or herself – but she wasn't about to question it.

The relative silence of the apartment was broken by a pounding at the door.

She hissed softly though her teeth, a quick intake of breath, every sense – magical and otherwise – on high alert. Regina stood carefully; ruffling Henry's hair in what she hoped was a casual manner, hoping that he was unable to sense her unease.

There were ten steps from the chair to the door.

_It might well have been a mile._

She inclined her ear to the door, one hand rested on wood, the other on the door handle and took a deep breath.

"…Password?"

"_Emma's been hurt_!"

She wrenched the door open – that was password enough for her. Snow stood in the doorway, Emma's arm slung over her shoulder.

Her eyes flickered momentarily over The Saviour and she gasped, panic shooting through her like a bolt of lightning.

She turned sharply on her heel as Snow stumbled into the apartment, dragging her daughter with her.

"Henry, it's time for bed."

"But_ Mo_-"

_"Henry!"_ – It was Snow who'd snapped at him – "Go to bed _now_!"

The boy's protests died in his throat at her tone, and Regina ushered him out of the room, blocking his view of his mother and grandmother. She bent down to his level, and ran a hand though his hair, trying to stay calm, trying to reassure him.

"Stay in there, okay? I'll be with you in a little while."

He nodded solemnly and she smiled.

The door clicked shut behind him, and she straightened up and turned back to face a frantic Snow. She'd laid Emma down on the bed, and brushed the tears from her eyes with her sleeve, smearing blood across her face.

Regina wasn't going to ask whose blood it was.

"I… I need to go back for Charming and Red."

"Okay."

Snow ran for the door, but paused before leaving through it.

"Regina?"

"Yes?

"_Thank you_." -her voice broke- "…_Thank you for staying_."

And then she was gone.

Regina turned to the bed, her eyes taking in Emma properly for the first time since she'd arrived, the weight of everything she saw hitting her all at once.

Her blood ran cold and a single tear ran down her cheek.

_No, no, no, no, no… _

_This couldn't be happening._

_Not now._

_Not to Emma._

She surveyed the damage that had been done to the Saviour's body.

There was blood. So much blood.

The single tear turned into a river of tears, and a sob wracked her body, forcing out a strangled cry. Emma may have had an indestructible heart, but her body was still just flesh and bone. And it was that flesh that her mother had torn, and those bones that her mother had crushed.

She was unrecognisable.

Her face strangely contorted.

Her rib cage caved in.

It could only have been a magical heart that would allow her to live this long, but live much longer, The Saviour most _certainly_ would not.

Physical injuries Regina could heal. But far more serious than the damage she could see, far beyond the broken bones and blood, was the magical devastation that had been inflicted upon her. She could feel the darkness radiating up from the still form, wrapping around her chest, squeezing tight like a serpent.

...There was no coming back from this kind of destruction.

She brought a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle her cries, trying to keep Henry from hearing.

_Oh God – Henry._

She bit down on her hand, now desperate to silence herself.

He was still in the next room, and if he heard her, he would come to see what was wrong.

_…and then he would **see** what was wrong._

Regina bit down harder, drawing blood. The pain, mixed with the tang of blood, gave her focus.

She might not be able to save Emma, but she could at least spare her son the horror of seeing his mother's body like this. She brought her hand to Emma's cheek, the faintest swirl of purple flourishing beneath her palm.

There was a moment of hesitation – the promise made to Henry echoing through her mind.

There was another sob – silent this time.

Henry might not forgive her for performing this magic, but she knew she would not forgive herself if she did not.

That would be her price to pay.

It was a gentle touch that graced the broken skin, and it occurred to Regina that she had never actually _touched_ Emma before. The last time her hand had made contact with this face, it had been in a vicious right hook. She smiled softly at the memory, despite herself - her tongue tracing over the place where her lip had been split. Emma had always given as good as she had gotten and Regina idly wondered, with no small amount of morbid satisfaction, what state she must have left her mother in.

Her hand slowly began to roam across Emma's face, torn skin knitting together, her cheek bones slowly sliding back into place, her jaw taking on a more familiar form, popping back into its socket with a sickening click. Regina breathed a small sigh of relief. She might still have been covered in blood and oh, so pale, but at least she looked like _Emma_ again.

Who would ever have thought she'd have been so comforted to see that face again?

…_Small mercies._

Her eyes remained fixed on Emma's face as her hand began to travel lower - she couldn't bear to look.

Regina heard the dislocated shoulder slide back into position and took a deep breath, bracing herself for the damage that lay below. She closed her eyes as her hand began its descent down Emma's side.

When the first rib snapped back into place, bile rose sharply in her throat.

She stalled and swallowed hard - she didn't know if she could do this.

…But this wasn't about her own comfort, or lack thereof.

This was for Henry.

_For Emma._

One, by one, by torturous one, she could feel the ribs moving beneath her hand, the fractures mending with a _snick._ She winced sharply with each one; eyes screwed shut, her other hand pressed firmly over her mouth. Regina knew that the younger woman couldn't feel a thing – the poor soul was dead to the world – she knew that the tenderness of her touch wouldn't make the slightest difference in the world, but yet she couldn't help it.

Regina's hand finally finished its journey and came to rest at Emma's hip. Brown eyes opened to survey her handiwork, a trail of smooth skin leading from forehead to shoulder and continuing on all the way down. Her chest still moved slightly with each breath.

She looked peaceful.

_She could almost be sleeping…_

And if it weren't for all of the blood, that's exactly what Regina would've thought. Her thumb moved back and forth, slowly tracing over an old, ugly scar.

She wondered when the last time was that someone had touched Emma's body like this.

_With gentleness. _

_Reverence_.

She wondered if anyone had _ever_ touched her like that.

…_they certainly should have._

But Emma would never have that now.

_Not ever again._

She wouldn't get the chance to grow old and fat, and sit on a porch on a summer evening with a grandchild sitting in her lap and watch the sun set, holding the hand of someone she loved.

And that was her fault.

This was _all her fault._

"_Emma…"_

She reached for Emma's hand, ignoring the shifting of healing bones, and brushed a kiss against bloodied knuckles, the raw skin repairing at her touch.

"…_I'm so sorry."_

Regina crumpled in on herself, tears flowing anew. She moved both hands to Emma's face and lowered her head to Emma's chest, sobbing unintelligible apologies against her skin, not caring that she was covering herself in scarlet red.

She cried herself to exhaustion there, clinging to the still form. Her joints had stiffened and her muscles ached and the younger woman's skin had turned to ice. The need for sleep was pressing itself upon Regina, but she wasn't ready to move just yet.

Regina picked herself up and gingerly laid herself out alongside Emma, placing her head on her shoulder and laying an arm across her torso. Without thinking, she shifted, lifting her leg and she hooked it around Emma's. The brunette lay there a moment and whimpered, heart breaking, marvelling at how well their bodies fit together.

She'd found her missing piece, and now it was going to be torn away from her.

Rolling slightly, she burrowed her head into Emma's neck and pulled her closer, pressing their bodies together.

Her body was so cold, and she was all out of tears.

...But for now, she could pretend.

She could pretend that she would wake up and Emma still would be there.

She could pretend that everything was going to be okay.

She could pretend that her heart was still in one piece.

And so, sleep claimed her.

* * *

_The bedroom door was opened just a crack, and young green eyes watched the sleeping pair._

_...They watched as tendrils of purple began to swirl, mixing with tendrils of pure white, enveloping them both._

_...They watched as a glow began to pulse from within the haze, slowly growing with intensity._

_...They watched, and they watched - spellbound - all the night long._

* * *

**A/N: BOOM! Please review, reviews are love, love is the most powerful magic of all - it creates new chapters! [and happiness]**


	6. A Second Chance

**A/N: Okay, so this chapter has taken *forever* to write, it's a little different to the other chapters and I found the ending a little tricky to write... but ****I do hope that you like it nevertheless. **

**There's a bit of language here, but nothing too bad. I'm still classy. **

**Hope I haven't edited it to death, but anywho...**

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 6: A Second Chance**

* * *

_She drifted in that tranquil place, between sleep and wakefulness._

_Warmth._

_…There was warmth there._

_It wasn't the cloying heat of a fever. _

_It was… gentle. __Like sunshine._

_There was the vague awareness of a heart beating beneath her ear._

_An arm wrapped around her waist._

_She was dreaming, because **of course** **she was dreaming.**_

_Regina Mills didn't wake up to warm beds and warm bodies._

_She never did. Never had. Never would._

_She smiled to herself, and snuggled in closer, enjoying the moment while she could._

_...This is what she had imagined being a stable boy's wife would have felt like._

_The warm body began to stir beneath her, with a pained groan that culminated in a single word._

**.**

**.**

**.**

_**"Fuck."**_

**.**

**.**

**.**

_She was awake. She was alive._

_Green eyes blinked groggily – once, twice._

_She felt like she'd been hit by a truck._

_But then… everything was soft. And sweet._

_…And salty._

_Her body reacted automatically, even as her mind drifted through the haze._

_She was being kissed._

_Her lips responded in kind._

_...She was being kissed by Regina Mills._

_A surge of warmth flooded her system._

_Then her mind caught up with her body._

_**She was being kissed by Regina Mills.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**Holy Fuck.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

_**.**_

She started, and Regina flew backwards, stammering an apology.

"I – I'm sorry… I just… I mean – I, uh…"

Emma gently reached to capture the hand that still rested on her chest, a weak smile gracing thin lips at the sight of the indomitable woman being so flustered.

She studied her face, taking in the tear-tracks, both old and new.

She'd been crying… was still crying.

Emma licked her lips, tasting the salt that still lingered there.

_...Regina's tears._

"Hey…" she squeezed the hand gently, getting Regina's attention. Doe-eyes blinked in astonishment at the single syllable, the single touch. _"Hey,"_ she repeated again, "…don't apologize to me. You're _here_," the other woman nodded mutely, "…and I'm _not_ dead. Things went better than expected."

And they had. Things had gone _much_ better than expected.

She smiled, and her tired eyes were soft.

"…Though you did have me worried for a second there. I mean, you're no angel… but from where I'm sitting? You're pretty damn close." Emma closed her eyes, her thumbs moving in slow circles on Regina's palm, "…I don't know how you did it, but you saved me." She brought the captive hand up her cheek, and pressed her lips to olive skin. "…Thank-you."

Regina gasped at the contact, at the way her hand burned, at the flush of warmth in her chest. She slipped from Emma's grasp, and brushed a strand of blonde hair from her face.

"Emma, about what I… that… before… it's just I thought that-"

"I told you – _don't apologize_."

Brown eyes locked with green, and everything stilled. Regina gave a small nod, still not quite understanding the understanding that they'd seemed to have reached. Something had… _changed_ between last night and this morning. She _knew_ that they had. She'd felt… _things._

Her throat burned with the memory of the night before.

She'd touched her.

_Caressed her._

She'd thought that those would be her last moments with a living, breathing Emma Swan.

But now here she was – with a living, breathing, _conscious_ Emma Swan – and she had no idea what to do. She'd never had any practice at this before.

Unanswered affections? She knew them well.

Love lost? She'd been there too.

…But second chances?

_Not so much_.

And that was what this was, was it not?

Her heart began to thunder in her chest, panic beginning to cloud her mind.

_She was stalling._

She was being presented with a second chance, and she was _stalling_.

A gentle hand brushed her cheek, and a moistened thumb rubbed at the dried blood on her forehead.

"…You look like shit, Regina."

For once, she was grateful for Emma's way with words. They, in their abrasiveness, cut through her anxiety, and she could feel her heartbeat beginning to slow. They reminded her of one thing:

This was _Emma._

_Emma, who knew her._

_Emma, who knew enough about second chances to know that a third, and a fourth, and a fifth chance were usually necessary before you got things right._

She leaned into the touch, a lump rising in her throat. The younger woman cracked a half-smile.

"Actually, I think you look like I feel."

Regina had to laugh at that.

"What? A bloody wreck?"

Emma paused for a moment, searching and surveying her face, drinking in the details of her expression. Regina bit her lip, feeling as though she was being read like an open book, and not entirely sure if she enjoyed the thought of Emma being able to see everything that was inscribed within.

"No… all shook up."

She placed a reassuring hand at Emma's elbow, unsteady breathing belying her motherly manner.

"Well, a near-death experience will do that to you."

Green eyes darkened, and the thumb that caressed her brow trailed down to trace her still-tingling lips.

_"…That's not what I was talking about, 'Gina."_

Regina's eyes widened, both at the words themselves and at the husky note of emotion in Emma's voice.

Her lungs burned with a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

_The kiss._

It had been a spur of the moment thing. The realization Emma was alive – to see her blinking sleepily as though she'd only just woken up instead of having been miraculously pulled back from the brink of death – it had flooded her with such profound relief.

She'd felt so overjoyed that she could've kissed her.

_…So she had._

With tears streaming down her face anew, she had kissed Emma Swan.

She hadn't anticipated the spark of electricity that she'd felt dance across her skin, or the fire that'd raced through her insides.

She certainly hadn't anticipated Emma's response.

_Emma had kissed her back._

...At least she had until she'd realized who she was kissing. Emma had jumped then, as though she'd been burned, and through her own apologies she'd felt the sting of disappointment.

Of rejection.

_…as though the Saviour would want to be kissed by the Evil Queen._

But now, with every passing second, with every word and touch and caress, Regina could feel herself crumbling.

It was bewildering.

It was frightening.

She cleared her throat gently, suddenly anxious to break out a moment that was becoming too intense for her liking.

"I – I think I should let you rest."

"Agreed."

Regina made to stand, but was stopped by a tug on her wrist.

"...The hell do you think you're going?"

"I was, uh–"

Emma tugged again, harder this time, and slipped her other hand around Regina's waist, easing the brunette back down into her waiting arms. She held the other woman tight and closed her eyes, relishing the warmth and scent that she had thought she'd never feel again.

"As if I could sleep without you."

Regina placed a tremulous hand over the Saviour's heart, and grasped at her shirt.

_"I thought I'd lost you…"_

Emma covered her hand with one of her own and, as sleep claimed her once more, pressed a kiss to her forehead.

_"I'm not going anywhere."_

* * *

**A/N: So, how'd I do? Drop a line, give me your feedback, don't be shy...**


	7. A Merciful Heart

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. I tried taking a leap forward, only to discover that I need to take two steps back. Chapters 8 & 9 should be up in fairly short order, WiFi permitting. Also, I've put Emma on the bed instead of the couch and have amended Chapter 5 to reflect as much (...it's a little thing, I know, but I found the couch stopped working in this chapter, sooo... yeah. There's that.)**

**...I'm also not sure how well I've written Snow. I haven't had all that much practice.**

**Don't own nothing, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 7: A Merciful Heart**

* * *

It was a knocking at the door that woke Regina.

There was a moment - and a blush - as she extricated herself from Emma's firm embrace, recalling what had transpired just a short while ago.

She took a moment to straighten her shirt and tidy her hair and regain her composure. There wasn't much she could do about the blood that had stained the white fabric and crusted itself on her skin, but she supposed briefly that every little bit helped.

Regina placed a hand on the door, in a manner similar to the night before.

"...Password?"

"It's me."

_Snow._

Sliding back the dead-bolt, she rolled her eyes – why exactly had they bothered with a password at all?

The door opened, but there was only person standing on the threshold.

As much as she hated to be concerned about her mortal enemy's well-being, she had to say that she had never seen Snow White quite so shaken.

And she particularly disliked the worry she felt for the parties missing from this exchange.

"...Where's David? ...Red?"

Snow closed her eyes and took a deep breath, an obvious effort to regain control of her voice.

"I… I couldn't… _find_ them."

Her attempt at control failed miserably.

The words came out strangled and strange, and the weight of what the younger woman wasn't saying hung in the air between them.

_Oh._

Snow hugged her arms around herself, and bounced a little on her heels, torn between wanting to know the answer to her question, and curling up into a ball and dying of heartache.

"And… Emma?"

Regina leaned again the lintel of the door, and found her hands to be completely fascinating all of a sudden. She rubbed them together and wiped them on her shirt.

"She's alive. And sleeping peacefully."

Snow slumped in relief, before stepping forward and arresting Regina in a tight embrace.

"Thank-you, Regina… I don't even care how you did it. Thank-you."

She certainly _hoped_ she wouldn't care.

…Not that she'd necessarily _mind_ Snow being a little upset at the fact that her daughter had been kissed – _thoroughly_ – by the Evil Queen, after having spent the night wrapped up in her arms.

Some habits just die a little harder than others.

"…Can I see her?"

Regina stepped out of the doorway in answer, and ushered the younger woman inside. She lingered by the entrance as the other woman approached the bed, not wanting to intrude on this moment between mother and daughter. She watched as Snow seated herself on the edge of the mattress, not minding at all the vivid red stains in the bed-sheets, and reached out a hand to gently caress Emma's cheek, brushing a stray strand of hair out of her eyes.

And Regina had to tell herself that the lump in her throat has nothing to do with jealousy at Emma for receiving a mother's loving touch.

She unconsciously lifted a hand to touch the scar on her upper lip.

No.

It had nothing to do with that at all.

Emma began to stir in the bed, with a noise somewhere between a groan and a yawn.

"…Hey mom."

Regina could well imagine the look on Snow's face at hearing those two words.

She imagines it would be much the same look that graced her own every time she heard them from Henry.

She silently excused herself from this increasingly maudlin scene and padded over to the door that she had not-so-very-gracefully escorted her son through the night before. Slowly pushing the door open and small smile graced her features at the sight of the boy curled up on the floor, his head resting on the wall by the wooden door frame. Regina crouched down on her heels and ran her hand through his hair, before gathering him up in her arms. Sleepily responding to her embrace he pressed his face in the crook of her neck and mumbled his 'good morning'.

"…How's Emma?"

"I think she's going to be okay now."

"Okay."

She could deny many things – and she did often deny them – but the warmth that flourished in her chest at that moment was not one of them. It was the little things, she found, that did this to her.

_Half-asleep hugs._

_Mumbled 'good mornings'._

And now this:_ she had said that Emma was going to be okay, and he'd believed her, just like that._

Hoisting him up onto her hip, his arms wrapped her neck; she carried him into the living area and laid him down on the couch. Her son was not a morning person, not by any means, but this morning he could wake up at his own pace.

Leaving him there, his face now firmly buried in a cushion, Regina moved to the kitchen to make coffee. Despite the fact that she'd just woken from a sleep that was sounder and far more peaceful than any she'd had in years, the emotional exhaustion of the previous had taken its toll on her. The rhythms of coffee were familiar, soothing. Emma had even made a point of buying her preferred brand, something for which she found herself profoundly grateful.

She was glad for the moment's meditation it allowed before Snow silently stepped in beside her and poured herself a warm cup.

"Hey, Regina. I'm, uh… I'm going to be going back out there again. I'm going to see if I can hunt down Cora. Going to see if I can finish this thing."

Her voice was soft and low – more schoolmarm than warrior princess. That is, if schoolmarms were the type to casually discuss their plans to track and slay wicked witches over a morning cup of coffee.

"She's still alive?"

Regina bit her lip against the sudden flurry of emotion that erupted within her at this small revelation.

_Fear and… relief?_

Snow quirked her lips in an expression that was half shrug, half sympathy and rather Swan.

"Things got very messy very fast last night, but so far as I can tell… yeah. She got away."

She took a moment to school her features. If _anyone_ were ever to be privy to her emotional conflicts, that one would _most certainly_ not be Snow White.

"...Okay."

There was a sigh at the familiar brick wall, but the younger woman would not be put off.

"Emma was… _insistent_ that we all understood just who it was that we were up against last night."

An eyebrow quirked.

"A dangerous psychopath?"

Snow fixed her with a familiar look.

"…Who is _also_ your mother and someone you care about. Listen – Emma's asked that I spare her life, if at all possible. But I think you know me well enough to know that I'm not going to be making any such promise. Not after last night." Silence filled the apartment "…If I find her?"

"I understand."

She didn't.

She couldn't.

…_Why would Emma ask for leniency?_

…_Why would she ask it for the woman that had reduced her to little more than a bloody pulp?_

* * *

**A/N: So there it is. You've had my turn on the events of The Cricket Game & Manhattan. Up next: The Miller's Daughter.**

**Please review!**


	8. A Hope Undeserved

**A/N: Hahahahahaha... LOOKIT I WROTE ANOTHER CHAPTER.**

**I am so fucking proud of me today. Writing like a boss. **

**(The fact that I procrastinated away a whole four-day weekend to get here is entirely beside the point.)**

**...Apparently when I say "in fairly short order" I mean "in two whole months".**

**I apologize. I know Chapter 9 is going to be a bitch, so I will make no further promises.**

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 8: A Hope Undeserved**

* * *

"Why did you do it?"

The question had been roiling within her chest for quite some time, and the words had finally worked their way up her throat and lurched out of her mouth.

Emma froze, coffee halfway to her mouth, and raised her eyebrows in question.

"What? …Volunteer to be your mom's chew-toy?"

Regina shuffled uncomfortably on the edge of the mattress, and lowered her gaze to the imaginary wrinkles in her suit pants, her voice low.

"…Why did you ask that she be spared?"

"First of all, she's your mom." Regina flicked her eyes back up, and pursed her lips, scepticism written into her expression.

"That's _really_ not a good enough reason."

"Second, she's badly injured. It wouldn't be a fair fight." The older woman bit back a bitter laugh.

"I'd ask if you'd met her, only..." she gestured vaguely at the bloodied sheets.

"…And three?" Emma's face set itself into a serious mask, all light-heartedness aside, her eyes sober and grey, "…her heart is in a box, somewhere in Storybrooke. Snow spoke to Gold sometime between now and last night. Long story short? She's a heartless bitch because she's _literally_ a heartless bitch."

Regina's eyes narrowed at Emma's colourful turn of phrase.

"That's still my mother you're talking about."

Emma clenched her jaw, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

"…_aaaaand_ missing the point. Listen, Regina – we could give her heart back. She'd be able to _love_ you… You could have a _mom_."

Suspiciously shiny brown locked with warm green and silence fell over the room as the implications of Emma's words sunk in.

Regina closed her eyes, and relished the warmth of the hand that crept over to cover her own.

She wasn't going to cry.

She wasn't going to cry.

She wasn't going to –

_Goddammit._

She flipped her hand over, so that their palms pressed together, and squeezed tight as one, single, traitorous tear escaped and slid slowly down her cheek.

Her voice croaked, and shook, and nearly broke into a sob, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"…A 'mom', you said?"

_Not 'mother', to be feared. Not 'mother', sweet and cruel._

…_Mom._

"Yeah, I did." Emma shifted slightly against the pillows that propped her up, and Regina felt a finger tilt her chin up slightly and her eyes flickered open to meet the intense gaze.

"_Why?"_

Why let the woman live? Why not strike while the iron was hot?

Her mother was weak. Her mother was never weak.

An opportunity like this would never come again.

She knew that she would never be able to seize it, but that's what she had Emma for – to make the hard decision, to strike the lethal blow when she wasn't strong enough to do it herself.

…_Right?_

She knew, logically, rationally, that her mother deserved it for what she had done to Emma, if for nothing else. Emma would be justified in striking for herself, Cora was her enemy. She had no reason to spare her, there were no ties, no love lost between them.

A thumb brushed below her bottom lip, and searching green eyes brought her back to the present.

"Now, let's be clear: I am _not_ doing this for her. This – all of this – it's all for you."

Regina's eyes continued to question Emma, pleading the question that had fallen from her lips as a mere whisper.

This was no small gesture. This was huge. This was… this was for _her?_

She still didn't understand. No one had _ever_…

As Queen, suitors had given her jewels and flattery, trinkets and empty words.

But this was too much.

_...This was hope._

Her mother did not deserve to be spared, but neither did she deserve this consideration.

Regina bit her lips, eyes brimming with fresh tears.

"_Emma_…"

"It's just… I know what it's like, alright? To need that."

Her face darkened.

_Need._

She hated that word.

"I don't _need_ anything from anyone."

Her defences flung up about her heart; a tired, old reflex.

The blonde harrumphed

"Yeah, tell your face that,"

…A tired, old reflex that obviously didn't hold much water anymore.

Emma smiled down at their joined hands, and laced their fingers together, her voice soft.

"Seriously. It's okay, you know… to want your mother to love you. It's allowed."

Regina's smile re-emerged – small, but most certainly present. With one last squeeze, she freed her hand from Emma's and cleared her throat, gathering her composure.

Emma shrugged

"The way I see it we have two options. One: we stay put, and in a little while one of us is going to be motherless."

"And two?"

"We go out there and there's a chance that we'll both have mothers that love us." She leaned forward conspiratorially, and whispered "…I'd pick option two every time."

"Even for a mother like mine?"

"You've got no idea what your mom is like… not really." She cocked her head to the side, "Don't you want to find out?"

"Yes, but…"

"'But' what?"

"What if she…"

Regina lowered her head, hating her sudden insecurity.

…If her mother had her heart, her mother would be good. And she herself was anything but.

"What?" Emma smiled, trying to catch her eye, "…Doesn't love you? …Doesn't accept you? …Doesn't 'approve of your life choices'?"

"Yes."

"You're going to be fine. She's going to love you."

"You're sure?"

She hated that her voice was so small. So… needing.

"Oh, yeah."

Regina cleared her throat.

"There's just one problem with this plan of yours, Swan. Your mother is out there, looking for my mother, and she doesn't seem to be quite as eager about the idea of leniency as you are."

Emma's head sunk back into the pillows, exasperated.

"Seriously – I give her _one_ job…"

"The restraint you've requested is no small thing. Then there's the issue of your physical condition. I just don't see this happening."

"…It's okay, Mom. I can help."

Both heads spun in sync to face the small, pyjama-clad boy standing in the foyer, rubbing sleepily at his eyes.

"Henry, I _really_ don't think..."

"She's right, kid."

He frowned, and walked to the end of the bed.

"You guys have no idea what I'm capable of."

Regina turned her head, hiding her smile of amusement from her son, and sharing it with Emma.

There could be no mistaking whose son this was.

"Okay, then. Show us your skills."

* * *

**A/N: Regina's emotions are all over the place. And it's not going to get much better in Chapter 9.**

**Sorry.**

**But there are some Swan Queen cuddles coming up.**

**So there's that.**


	9. Solid Ground

**A/N: Here we go, bitches. Chapter 9. I went over what happened in The Miller's Daughter and made it sadder. (Yay for me.) At least I've given Regina someone to hold her. (*cough* Emma *cough-cough*)**

**I don't think there are _too_ many chapter left in this story... But I've been working this thing with the end in mind. ****Also (and y'all can relax) I will be all but ignoring Nealfire. That's a headache no one needs. 'Cos I'm the author, that's why.**

**I've used italics for inner commentary thingies (because that's what I always do), and also for Emma and Regina's main dialogue, just because they're whispering. The 'flashback'-y bits are bold, and segmented off, just to separate Regina's recollections from what's actually happening in the scene. ****It took me forever to figure out how to write this chapter, so I hope it's okay and I** hope it reads well.

**Also, it's twice the size of prior chapters, so there's that.**

******WARNING: SUPER FEELS AHEAD. **

* * *

**This, I Find In You**

**Chapter 9: Solid Ground**

* * *

_It was fourteen minutes past midnight. _

Emma lay awake in the dark, staring up at the ceiling.

For once the night was perfectly still.

The apartment was quiet.

And the fucking kitchen tap just wouldn't stop dripping.

_Regina still wasn't home._

Snow and Henry had returned, ashen faced, a little after midday.

Neither of them had said a word, and their silence hung in the apartment like so much fog.

Seconds turned into minutes.

Minutes turned into hours.

With each tick of the clock, Emma's anxiety ratcheted up a notch.

_Regina still wasn't home._

She would have gone along to the mausoleum had she been able to stand without fainting.

But she couldn't, so she didn't.

And something bad had happened.

…Something terrible.

_Regina still wasn't home._

_Fuck._

She'd tried closing her eyes somewhere a little past eleven.

Just to see if sleep would take her.

But imagination had run away with her instead.

So, sleep was out of the question then.

…At least until she knew.

Emma rubbed at her eyes.

Someone needed to be looking out for Regina.

Someone needed to be out looking for Regina.

And she couldn't.

_Fuck._

For a second, Emma considered shooting up a prayer to a God she didn't really believe in.

She supposed that a year or so in Catholic school would do that to you.

Instead, her eyes traced the lines in the plaster above her.

…Thinking to herself that David _really_ needed to fix that goddamned tap.

And then she remembered.

_Fuck._

_Just… Fuck._

* * *

_It was twenty-two and a half minutes past midnight._

And the apartment door creaked open.

And was very carefully _snicked_ shut.

At first she didn't recognise the footsteps.

They were soft.

The clicking of heels distinctly absent.

"…_Regina?"_

The foot-falls ceased at her whisper.

_"I'm sorry for waking you."_

Her voice sounded suspiciously husky.

"_You didn't. I would've had to have been sleeping for that."_

The dark silhouette moved to stand at the foot of the bed.

"…_You can't sleep?"_

A beam of moonlight fell through the window, illuminating Regina's face.

The tear tracks on her face shone silver.

She looked like she'd been through hell.

And she was worried for Emma's insomnia.

"_Nope. Doesn't look like you'll have much luck either."_

Regina froze for a second, her shining eyes bleeding sorrow.

She shifted onto her other foot and tried to smirk.

"_Yes, but I'm not the one that needs twelve hours and a caffeine drip to function."_

Her smirk was more a grimace, and Emma was sure that her own was no better.

She reached out and flicked down a corner of the blanket.

Patted the mattress beside her in invitation.

"…_How about we not-sleep together?"_

Regina frowned.

"_Emma, I –"_

"_C'mon. Get in."_

Emma ceased her attempt at levity, green eyes becoming sad and serious.

And compassionate.

Regina looked like she'd been caught in headlights.

She blinked – once, twice – before shedding her jacket and hanging it over the foot of the bed.

Emma tried to keep her eyes from following the line of her neck down over her shoulders as she kicked off her shoes and turned to walk around the bed.

Failed miserably.

Silently, the blankets were pulled down and stockinged feet were pulled in.

They lay there side by side, staring up at the ceiling.

After a moment Regina let out a shuddering sigh.

…It was amazing how much a sigh could say.

Emma reached out under the sheets and found her hand.

She squeezed gently, and was returned a death-grip.

"_I know I nearly died, but… you don't need to be 'okay', Regina. Not for me."_

Steady breathing began to shake.

"…_Okay."_

Emma shifted slightly onto her side, and turned her head to look at her bed-mate.

Her whole body was shaking with the force of suppressed sobs.

The tears that had begun to streak across her face were picking up speed.

Emma slowly raised her arm, lifting the blankets that lay between them.

"_C'mere."_

There was a beat, when wide brown eyes locked onto her with a look akin to astonishment.

Just a beat, before she melted at the proffered kindness.

Without a word, Regina rolled into Emma's arms.

One hand rested at the nape of her neck, the other sat at her waist.

Emma didn't have much experience with crying women.

But she knew enough to know not to shush away these kinds of tears.

These tears were important.

So she held on tight.

Regina neither spoke, nor sobbed aloud.

She shook and buried her small, keening wail in Emma's chest.

Emma wasn't the only one holding on tight.

Regina clung to her like she was a drowning woman.

…Like she wanted to disappear into her and never re-emerge.

Emma didn't dare speak.

She could feel the tears soaking through her shirt.

A twinge in her side reminded her of her physical state.

She rolled onto her back, bringing Regina with her, settling the woman on top of her.

Her thumb began to sweep a rhythm against her side, smooth and slow.

She tucked her head under her chin, pressed her ear against a beating heart.

Long fingers wove into dark locks, began rubbing in small circles.

"…_I'm sorry."_

Two words.

Two small words.

Someone was sorry that her mother was dead.

Someone was sorry that she was an orphan now.

Someone _cared._

…Two small words broke the Queen.

Regina had always prided herself on being able to cry quietly.

She ought to have been ashamed on the noise she was making now.

Ugly sobs.

Half words.

Unintelligible noise.

But Emma did not make her feel ashamed.

There was no recrimination for her mourning.

No reproach for her vulnerability.

She was… _safe._

She was a woman cut adrift, and Emma was solid ground.

A cool hand was brought to her cheek in a soothing caress.

Her head was gently tilted back.

Two lips pressed a kiss to her forehead.

They two stayed there, locked in each other's arms for a very long moment.

_Arm to waist._

_Face to chest._

_Palm to cheek._

_Lips to forehead._

Emma could feel the exhaustion overtaking Regina.

The tension ebbed from her body with each breath.

Emma hated to ask, but she needed to know.

"_Snow didn't… Did she?"_

Regina shook her head.

* * *

**They'd found Emma's mother in good time.**

**She'd been seated on a step in the vault, clutching Cora's heart in her hand.**

**Contemplating the woman that lay on the ground before her, battered and bruised.**

**Cora would shift, make to rise, and Snow would clench the heart a little tighter and the movement would cease.**

_"…**I thought you said 'no promises'."**_

_"**Can I help if I'm a little conflicted?"**_

_"**It's simple Grandma, just give it back to her."**_

**Snow's silence had perturbed her. She waved a hand over the pulsing organ.**

**The stench of dark magic clung to it.**

**_Rumpelstiltskin_**_**.**_

**She'd had to take a moment to reign back the explosion of fury before she could speak to her son.**

_**"…It's not so simple, Henry. Her heart is cursed. It goes back in… she dies."**_

* * *

Regina hiccuped and gasped for air.

"_That bastard… he… he… he poisoned her heart."_

* * *

**And her mother had begged for it back, regardless.**

_"**But you'll die. We can find another way. Mother… I can heal you."**_

_"**I don't want it any other way. Regina. Give me my heart."**_

**Her mother told her that she would rather die loving her daughter, than to live forever never having loved her at al****l.**

* * *

"_B-but she didn't care…Sh-she said she wanted to… to…"_

"…_She wanted to love you more than she wanted to live."_

Regina nodded meekly.

* * *

**She'd been the one to press the heart into her mother's chest.**

**She wouldn't allow Snow White to take another thing from her.**

**Cora had gasped as everything rushed back in.**

**Her eyes came to life just as a grey pallor settled over her skin.**

**Her hands immediately reached for her daughter's face.**

**It wasn't the grasping, possessive caress she knew so well.**

**It was hesitant.**

**Reverent.**

* * *

_"And she… sh-she did."_

Her mother loved her. Her mother loved her _so much._

More than riches.

More than magic.

More than power.

…More than life.

_"Sh-she told me… told me that I was… I was enough."_

Regina's voice trailed off into tears.

* * *

**Her mother had apologized.**

**She'd apologized for everything.**

**It had hurt.**

**It had healed.**

**She'd denied for so long that her mother had truly been the one to blame.**

**But then, for so long she'd also been denied the validation of her pain.**

**Her mother's control.**

**Her lover's death.**

**Her husband's abuse.**

**It was _wrong_, all of it.**

**It _shouldn't_ have happened.**

**It _was_ madness, and she _had_ deserved so much more than that.**

* * *

The gentle brush of finger tips at her temple slowly eased the tautness from her body.

Regina took a deep breath and relaxed into the warm body beneath her, burrowing her face into Emma's chest.

* * *

**Her mother… her mother had met her grandson.**

**"_I-is that him?"_**

**"_Yes, mother."_**

**"_He's beautiful, my love. You must be so proud."_**

**"_I am."_**

**"…_His name?"_**

**"_Henry, mother."_**

**At that, her mother had wept.**

* * *

_"And our son… she loved him too."_

Emma's heart warmed at her choice of words.

_"…And me?"_

It was a joke, but Regina was grateful that the darkness of the apartment hid the color of her face.

* * *

**"_Your Emma-Girl, is she good to you?"_**

**Her cheeks had flushed then too, and she'd ducked her head.**

**"_Mother… she's not_ my _Emma-_Anything."**

**"…_You share a child?"_**

**"_It's complicated."_**

**"_Nonsense, my love. There's nothing complicated about it. But tell me…" she'd crooked a finger under her chin, seeking out her daughter's eyes, "…is she good to you?"_**

**"_Yes."_**

**There had been no reply to that, just a sob and the tightening of fingers behind her neck.**

* * *

_"…She liked you."_

Emma shrugged.

_"I'll take that."_

Regina idly traced a pattern across Emma's rib-cage, dancing her fingertips over the newly healed bones.

* * *

**Her mother had gathered her into her arms.**

**And all of a sudden, she was a little girl again.**

**Her Mama was there, and everything was going to be okay.**

**…Only her Mama _wasn't_ there anymore.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Mama had slipped away from beneath her grasp.**

* * *

Regina closed her eyes and inhaled Emma's scent, steeling herself for the words of her own confession.

_"…She's gone, Emma. She's gone and I couldn't save her."_

Emma frowned.

Her voice was smaller than she'd ever heard it.

_"But you couldn't have…"_

_"I **should** have… it worked before… with the turnover. Why not a heart?"_

The answer to her own question was obvious to her.

True Love's Kiss.

It had worked for Henry.

It had not worked for her.

Why _would_ it work for The Evil Queen?

* * *

**She'd pressed her lips to her mother's forehead.**

**There was no pulse of blinding light.**

**There was just a desolate woman holding her mother's corpse.**

* * *

Emma could feel sense the slumber falling over the other woman, just she could sense it falling over her.

Just as she could sense the subtle notes of Regina's heart's despair.

_"Listen to me, Regina."_

_"…Mhmm?"_

_"You loved your mother as best you knew how. No one can ever ask for more than that. You loved her more than she deserved to be loved by you, and she knew that. That was all she needed, and you gave that to her. Not everyone is as strong as that."_

Emma buried her nose into Regina's hair, eyes growing heavier.

She shut her eyes, and allowed her body to relax.

_It was some godforsaken hour in the morning._

_And Regina was home._

Her imagination couldn't run away with her, the proof was lying in her arms.

_._

_._

_._

But she wasn't sure if she imagined the small voice that whispered,

_"I love you.__"_

* * *

**A/N: Phew. I'm wiped out.**

**Drop me a line, let me know what you thought, if you have any ideas, what-have-you.**

**I've really been trying to nail the relationship between Cora and Regina, and I've been trying to do it justice. Regina's just been so conflicted about it the whole way and now, with that climax of sorts, I hope that you've been able to believe it (what with what we know from the show).**

**Next chapter I think we'll be piecing together the reason for why Rumple did what he did (Snow missed a bullet there).**


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